WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
