She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
