hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
