i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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