I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize