I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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