idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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