i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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