Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
