woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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