My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
