Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
