i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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