Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
