At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
