Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
