he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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