well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
why is half of my head shaved?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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