Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
