Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we made out on top of his cat.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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