I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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