I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
