Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
