after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
