if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
