i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
