i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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