I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Are we still banned from the library?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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