peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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