I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
