Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
