My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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