Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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