another moral hangover. fuck.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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