Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
