the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
