I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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