The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
