So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am available for nakedness
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
