She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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