I'm drive I can fine osifer
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
