Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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