Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
