I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
