i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He kissed a someone with a penis
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
