There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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