I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
