I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
