Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
