i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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