hotel room ftw
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
