My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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