the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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