The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
