I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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