i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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