she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
