then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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