Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
