does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need a beard to bite.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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