Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They took my balls.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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