I have demons in me.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
