Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
