I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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