What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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