as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
