Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
