3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
