im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
